Mother's Day 2010

The day has come yet again to pay homage to the ladies that have endured a life time’s worth of quite possibly the most taxing work anyone could go through.

It all begins when she realizes that something isn’t quite normal. Maybe it’s when the day comes that she doesn’t quite feel right. Or maybe it’s when she realizes that a certain monthly scheduled event doesn’t happen.

That may lead to taking a little home test, which leads to a life changing, very emotional plus sign on a little stick.

That then leads to a visit at the doctor’s office where she’s informed that, yep, sure enough, she’s pregnant, with you.

Her life, as she knows it is about to permanently change. First she’s going to have to change a few habits. Maybe she has to change the way she eats, maybe even drop a bad habit or two for the sake of both her health and yours.

Then as the months move on, her body gradually changes, transforming, swelling, and contorting in ways that under any other circumstance would be considered cruel and inhumane torture.

Sleep becomes hard to come by. The sicknesses wreak havoc on her, and hormone levels go so out of whack that she might possibly cease to know if she’s coming or going.

The slightest problem can send her into an emotional frenzy, requiring more patience from those around her than they might be used to giving.

Time continues to move on and her body may be swollen beyond points even thought possible. All because of the little parasite growing inside her that is you.

Then comes the day when the little parasite you has developed to a point where that warm comfortable womb can no longer sustain you, and she goes into labor.

That’s when the fireworks really go off, as she’s rushed to the hospital, an event that’s quite normally surrounded by more chaos and confusion then rush hour traffic in New York City.

Then as she’s wheeled into a delivery room, she experiences a level of pain that no words could possibly describe, as she’s coached and encouraged to somehow push an object the size of a watermelon out of an opening roughly the size of a lemon.

Some victims of this ordeal may even have to be cut open to allow the little watermelon that is you at this point to pass with relative safety into this cold, cruel and harsh world.

Either way, chances are she’s now physically scarred for the rest of her life.

Then as the event passes, she then finds herself holding in her arms the bouncing baby melon that only minutes before was quite literally a part of her.

Ah, but the torture doesn’t stop there does it?

No ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, she now has to somehow teach you how to be a productive, responsible human being in this society.

A daunting task that fewer than we may realize actually succeed in.

While she’s doing that, she has to put up with the selfish, and sometimes violent phase of the terrible two’s.

And don’t even get me started on trying to raise and connect with a teenager.

She may have to deal with a streak of criminal behavior that for some reason developed in you.

Or you might otherwise be a good kid, but, such as in my case, you’re just a little shit head that won’t keep his school grades up.

Notice I didn’t say can’t. I said won’t.

Still paying for that to this day I am.

But then it all comes full circle as you reach adult hood, and she gets to be there for you as you go through the same thing. As she’s there by your side, she smiles inwardly, and remembers.

So to the top three mothers on my list, being my own, my sister, and my Fiance’, whom some of you already know, I say Happy Mothers day ladies. I love you!

And to those of you who’s mother’s are still with us to appreciate, or at least have a significant mother in your life, and as this day draws to a close and you still have yet to so much as pick up that phone, I ask this;

What kind of a heartless monster are you??

Two Words For the Jonas Brothers; Predator Drones

Two Words For The Jonas Brothers; Predator Drones

Apparently in this country it’s okay for any father to make an off colored joke about the length’s he’d go to protect his daughter’s virtue from horny teenage boys.

That is unless, of course, you’re the president of the united states.

Recently at the 2010 White House Correspondent’s Association Dinner, President Barack Obama, during his speech, acknowledged the presence of the celibacy- vowed poster boys for the Disney Corporation, the Jonas Brothers.

During that acknowledgment, he made mention of the fact that his two daughters, Malia and Sasha, happen to be big fans of the Jonas Brothers.

President Obama, in good humor then warned the Jonas Brothers to, and I quote “Don’t get any ideas. I have two words for you; predator Drones”.

So pretending for a second that the country doesn’t have any other problems at all, and completely ignoring the Jonas Boy’s over sensitive response by citing the fact that they are not pedophiles,

Fox News and other “Fair and Balanced” news networks wasted no time at all jumping on that remark, and enlisted the aid of the country’s top crusty old white men to analyze the president’s remark, questioning it’s morality.

One particular crusty old white man had this to say about the president’s joke;

“Predator Drone’s Kill People, the president’s remark whether it be a joke or not, was not in good taste!”

Really, Crusty Old White Man?? Predator Drones Kill People?? No Shit!! I never would have made that connection!!

Say, you know what else kills people?? Shot guns! Yes, shot guns are very capable of making a mess out of a person’s body, but that doesn’t stop every other father in this country from joking about brandishing his personal street cannon of choice to the first teenage boy who dares try to date his daughter!!

So does President Obama have a plan in the works to launch a full scale air strike on his daughter’s prom dates? I doubt that any more than I doubt that I’ll be actually be taking a Remington to the first boy that wants to take my daughter out to the movies.

So anyway, I said we’d only pretend for a second that the country doesn’t have any other problems. That second is over.

So To The Jonas Brothers; get over yourselves, boys, it was a joke.

To Fox News, CNN, and affiliated crusty old white men, get over it and move on.

Yes, I said move on. Move on to better things like tarring and feathering our president because he has yet to swoop down out of the sky like Superman and clean up that oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, since he’s already taking heat for that, much like Former President Bush did for the Katrina disaster.

You know what this country reminds me of? Do you guys remember the second Pirates of The Caribbean Movie; in Jack Sparrow’s opening scene, when Will Turner and friends had to rescue him from that tribe of cannibals who had dressed Jack up as their god so they could eat him??

That’s kind of what we like to do with our public officials. While true that most politicians have a streak of corruption running down their spine, it’s no wonder when we as the American people dress them up in suits, place them in our ivory towers in Washington, then proceed to make a full course meal out of them every night on the news.

So here’s my question to all you Glenn Beck wannabes out there; how do you like your public official prepared? Rare? Medium Rare? Well Done? Smothered in A1 sauce? Maybe with a side of baked potato??


I’m Brandon Hawkins and I make the videos and blogs that no one else wants to.

The FreeLance Independent Media Producer

Euphemisms; you gotta love these things right? And nowhere else but the English language can you find a more colorful plentitude of the wackiest and craziest euphemisms ever to roll off someone’s tongue!

Over the course of time, between world war one, and our current controversial conflicts in the middle east, the term Shell Shock became Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

The term Cock Pit, has become the flight deck.

Stewards and stewardesses have become flight attendants.

Doctors have become health care professionals, and so on and so on.

All of these are great and sort of comical when you look at them, especially when you listen to what George Carlin had to say, but there’s one in particular that I’ve stumbled across recently that I’ve completely fallen head over heals in love with.

Youtubers, yes that would be you, at least those of you that make videos yourselves, and me, of course, are no longer youtubers, or video bloggers for that matter.

No, ladies and gentlemen of the video making portion of the youtube community, we are now ….. wait for it…..Free Lance Independent Media Producers.

I first heard this term from a particularly popular IMP by the name of davisfleetwood, whom I’ve been following for a few months now.

But I’ll take the credit for attaching the term freelance to it, just to add that extra bit of spice.

Try saying it out loud a couple times and see how nice and tasty it rolls off your tongue;

Freelance Independent Media Producer.

I can see it now, the next time someone asks me what I do for a living,

I’ll no longer have to say I’m an MP in the Army.

I can now address their question quite professionally with the answer;

I’m a Military Law Enforcement Non Commissioned Officer and a part time Non Profit Free Lance Independent Media Producer.

I can’t wait to see the look on the face of the first person I throw that at.

So here’s the question I have for you, ladies and gentleman, boys and girls;

Aside from being a possible non profit freelance independent media producer, or in the case of my friends TomKenn8dy, Bundangbear and qiranger, Partnered Freelance Independent Media Producers, what do you guys do for a living?

Now before you answer that question, I don’t want to hear, or read “I’m a cashier, or I’m an x-ray technician, or I’m a mechanic,” or what have you.

I want you to dress it up, make it as colorful as you possibly can. Dress that puppy up like a Barbi Doll!

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some business cards to print off.

Introductions; The Skeptic Soldier

After having been posting videos on youtube now for around a year and a half, rethinking and redesigning my online identity multiple times, I think I've recently found the type of voice that I would like to portray. My videos and blogs are generally either what's going on in my life on any given day, or what's on my mind at any particular moment. I may rant a bit every once in a while, but I never get too serious here and I never take myself too seriously. I'm enjoying building an audience, and I'm definitely enjoying the chance to meet people that I otherwise never would have known existed. It's even happened in recent months where someone who was just a youtube friend, crossed over and became a very good real life friend. That's one of the awesome things about a site like that.

Other than that, I'm in the U.S Military, and Uncle Sam has had me traveling quite a bit in recent months. Which has made for some fairly interesting video adventures. I'm engaged to an awesome and beautiful lady named Tanja, who also has a presence here on youtube under the name Broetchen4me. We're an ocean and several major terrain features apart right now, and I miss her terribly. Totally looking forward to scooping her up and hugging her again very soon!

Anyway enough about my love life. I believe for an introduction, this particular blog should suffice. More to come later on.

That said, welcome to the mind of the skeptic soldier!